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Courtship Customs in the PH
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What are the traditional dating / courtship practices in the Philippines?
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What are the traditional dating / courtship practices in the Philippines?
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Often, a Filipino male suitor expresses his interest to a woman in a discreet and friendly manner in order to avoid being perceived as very "presumptuous or aggressive" or arrogant. Culturally, another gentlemanly way of seeking the attention of a woman is not to be done by the admirer by approaching her in the street to casually ask for her address or telephone number. Although having a series of friendly dates is the normal starting point in the Filipino way of courting, this may also begin through the process of "teasing", a process of "pairing off" a potential teenage or adult couple. The teasing is done by peers or friends of the couple being matched. The teasing practice assists in discerning the actual feelings of the male and the female involved. Traditionally, a Filipino woman is "shy and secretive" about her feelings for a suitor. On the other hand, the Filipino man fears rejection by a woman and would like to avoid losing face and embarrassment. This teasing phase actually helps in circumventing such an embarrassing predicament because formal courtship has not yet officially started. Furthermore, this "testing phase" also helps a man who could be "torpe", a Filipino term for a suitor who is shy, "stupid", and feels cowardly, and is innocent and naïve in how to court a woman. However, this type of admirer could overcome his shyness and naivety by asking for the help of a "tulay" (Filipino for "Bridge", whose role is similar to that of the Wingman in Western Cultures), typically a mutual friend of both the suitor and the admired, or a close friend of both families. The "human bridge" acts as the suitor's communicator. Through this "human-bridge", the bachelor can also ask permission to visit the woman at home from the bachelorette's father. As a norm, the couple will not be left alone with each other during this first home visit, because formal introductions to family members are done, which may be performed by the "tulay". Informal conversation also takes place. During this preliminary evaluation period, the Filipino woman will either deny her feelings (or the absence of feelings for the suitor) and avoids her admirer, or does notbecome angry because of the teasing and encourages the suitor instead. The suitor stops the courtship if he is quite sure that the woman does not reciprocate. But once the female encourages the suitor to continue, the "teasing stage" comes to a close and a "serious stage" of Philippine courtship begins. It is within this stage where the couple engages in a series of group dates, chaperoned dates, or private dates. The couple later on decides to come out into the open and reveals the status of their relationship to family members, relatives, and friends. The serious suitor or boyfriend visits the family of the woman he admires/courts or girlfriend in order to formally introduce himself, particularly to the lady's parents. Bringing gifts or pasalubong (which may include flowers, with cards, or letters, and the like) is also typical. Courting a woman in the Philippines is described as a courtship that also includes courting the woman's family. The actual boyfriend-girlfriend relationship may also result from such formal visits. In the past, particularly in a rural courtship setting, a Filipino man, accompanied by friends, would engage in serenading the woman he adores at night. This serenading practice was an influence adopted by the Filipinos from the Spaniards. During the courtship process, a traditional Filipina is expected to play "hard to get", to act as if not interested, to be not flirty, and show utmost restraint, modesty, shyness, good upbringing, be well-mannered, demure, and reserved despite having great feelings for her admirer; a behavior culturally considered appropriate while being courted. This behavior serves as a tool in measuring the admirer's sincerity and seriousness. The woman can also have as many suitors, from which she could choose the man that she finally would want to date. Dating couples are expected to be conservative and not perform public displays of affection for each other. Traditionally, some courtship may last a number of years before the Filipino woman accepts her suitor as a boyfriend. Conservativeness, together with repressing emotions and affection, was inherited by the Filipino woman from the colonial period under the Spaniards, a characteristic referred to as the Maria Clara attitude. After the girlfriend-boyfriend stage, engagement, and marriage follows. With regards to the engagement and pre-marriage stages, Filipino tradition dictates that the man and his parents perform the pamamanhikan or pamanhikan (literally, a Tagalog word that means "to go up the stairs of the house" of the girlfriend and her parents; pamamanhikan is known as tampa or danon to the Ilocanos, as pasaguli to the Palaweños, and as kapamalai to the Maranaos ). This is where and when the man and his parents formally ask the lady's hand and blessings from her parents in order to marry. This is when the formal introduction of the man's parents and woman's parents happens. Apart from presents, the Cebuano version of the pamamanhikan includes bringing in musicians. After setting the date of the wedding and the dowry, the couple is considered officially engaged. The dowry, as a norm in the Philippines, is provided by the groom's family. For the Filipino people, marriage is a union of two families, not just of two persons. Therefore, marrying well "enhances the good name" of both families.
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Courtship is different for each culture and I love how we do it in a Filipino way, it would require hard work, commitment and perseverance. The time, the energy, the effort, the thoughts and the commitment will never be matched by a monetary value. It’s like giving a part of yourself and your life to the person who hasn’t given her sweet yes to you yet. Courtship in the Philippines is more “indirect” approach compare to Western culture.Here are some of our courtship way: Tulay (go-between) A man, no matter how much she likes the lady, can’t just approach her in the street and ask for her number or address. He would need to seek the help of a common friend who will act as the bridge or the go-between to ask permission from the lady’s parents to visit her in the house. Thoughtful Gifts When a permission to visit is granted, the man is expected to bring thoughtful gifts like flowers, chocolates and love letters. Visiting the lady’s house will then be more frequent and consistent to show his commitment. Paninilbihan (Servitude) As the courtship advances, the frequent visits and thoughtful gifts will be accompanied by paninilbihan or servitude. A man’s sincere desire to help in the lady’s house is a way to show his good intentions for her. The usual act of servitude includes fetching water from the well to the lady’s house, chopping of firewood and pounding of rice. Harana Harana or serenade is also a big part of the courtship. The man would sing a love song outside the lady’s house at night and until she opens her window to see and listen to him sing. After the harana, he is then accommodated inside the house. Pamamanhikan When the man feels he is ready to get married, he brings his parents to the lady’s house to formally ask for her hand in marriage. If both parties agree to the engagement, the parents of the lady and the man will start discussing wedding plans for the couple. Courting a Filipina in a traditional way is not easy and takes a real man with his true love to endure that long and arduous process of courtship. But when it comes to true love, it’s all worth it. Until they reach the altar: Check this link too: http://www.adelinefilamfood.com/tag/how-to-court-a-filipina/ Thanks for reading!