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Filipinas, Jealousy, & Mistrust
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I married a Filipina. I never cheat. Why the mistrust all the time?
rodneyrocks
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I married a Filipina. I never cheat. Why the mistrust all the time?
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My wife is also Filipina, I am very lucky with her but from past relationships I fully understand where you are coming from. Firstly, despite the claimed Catholic piety, infidelity is almost the national sport in the Philippines. The country is rife with broken marriages and single parent families, and most Filipinas have a history of past relationship failures. One thing you have to know is that most Filipinas enter into relationships expecting marriage and lifelong commitment, unlike in the west where we tend to start thinking of marriage once our relationships are established and we are sure of our partners; this means that break-ups hit hard in the Philippines because expectations are higher from the start. As well as the fact that your Filipina wife has probably been badly let down in the past, there is also a national trend of low emotional maturity. I'm in my mid-forties now, I first came to the Philippines in 2012 and have lived here since 2014; and I have had relationships with women in their late thirties and early forties whose general behaviour in those relationships was similar to that of girls that I knew in my late teenage years. This could be a further symptom of endemic cheating, but it is certainly something you need to be well aware of. I imagine that the mistrust you refer to includes (but is not limited to) these traits: Clingy, possessive behaviour;Not wanting you to be away from her for any significant length of time;Monitoring who you speak to;Asking lots of questions about your past relationships;Assuming that your female friends are more than friends, or that if not, they are actively pursuing you;Calling and/or texting frequently when you are at work or out with the guys;Setting little loyalty tests for you to pass, and getting incredibly angry if you fail to be 100% attentive.Unfortunately, she is probably expecting you to behave the way her past Filipino boyfriends have treated her; or perhaps her fear is based on the way she has seen her own friends and female relatives, perhaps even her own mother, treated by the men in their lives – infidelity is so rife in the Philippines that she will have seen plenty of it even if she has not experienced it personally. If your wife has ever been involved with online dating with foreign men, there is also a very real chance that she has seen the very worst behaviour of the world's men. The free dating apps, as well as community groups in social media services like Facebook, are full of western, Middle-Eastern and South Asian men who shamelessly use South-East Asian women for quick and cheap sexual gratification. I have past experiences in which Filipinas, some in early stages of relationships and even some that I didn't have romantic links to at all, have completely at random sent me naked pictures of themselves, sometimes even pictures of themselves engaging in sex acts; this is totally out of character for the typical Filipina – and the fact that it happens so often can only be due to unscrupulous perverts online convincing them that this behaviour is normal elsewhere in the world. What you need to do is to calmly talk to your wife every time she exhibits these behaviours that display her mistrust, explain that you understand her fears but that these traits are distressing to you, unattractive in her and damaging to your relationship. Be open and honest about your feelings and meet her half way, and show her how much you love her as often as you can. Relationships between people of different cultures have extra difficulties, and both of you need to work together to overcome them.
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They come with inbuilt distrust on this matter, from experience. There is a macho culture here that thinks infidelity is cool. There have been surveys done by various men’s magazines that show over 50% of married men admit to having cheat on their wife. Of those who say they haven’t half say they would if the opportunity arose. Some of those successful cheaters might be bragging and thus actually fall into the would if we could category, but that actually makes the situation even worse in some ways. The one official statistic we can be sure of is this: 36% of all the men listed on birth certificates where the mother is under age (12–17) are married men and the average age 2.4 times older than the mother. This is the culture of infidelity most Filipinas come from. Now ask why they might mistrust a rich man who they might not be able to walk away from, but has enough money to charm other women right out of their panties.