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Dating Situation of Filipinas
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What can you say about Filipinas when it comes to dating?
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What can you say about Filipinas when it comes to dating?
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First of all, the Philippines is a country of 106 million souls. Living there, marrying into a local family and raising my own, I can say I have gotten fairly close to a good number of Filipino citizens. Some are now among my best friends. Still, it is a diverse country with many different tribes and regions, each with their own unique language and culture. While dating your girl, make sure to try and learn about her culture and be genuinely interested in it. When visiting, try your best to blend into her society, to sing karaoke when they ask you to sing a song. When her father and uncles want to have a drink with you to bond and get to know you better, do not refuse them. The food they offer you may not always look appealing to your foreign sensitivities, but try it. They called it “having a cowboy mentality”, being a man unafraid of trying new things, unafraid of eating unusual foods, traveling to remote areas, riding unusual vehicles, like crossing narrow mountain roads on the back of a dump truck… they admire a sense of bravery, a devil-may-care attitude at times. Be smooth, be flexible, keep an open mind and don’t like your Western sensitivities get in the way of things, just be ‘one of the guys’ because it’s the fastest way to the families heart, and if you win over the family, you won half the battle. Respect and try to understand the culture that shaped her, understand how it formed her personality and what makes her tick. Understanding does not mean you have to always agree with every aspect, but don’t be blind to it, either. They’re friendly people for the most part, open hearted and accepting of your flaws to some degree, just don’t be too shy — there really is no need for shyness. If you marry a Filipina, you marry her family and in a sense, her culture. Any children you and her would have their roots in it and you need to be keenly aware of this. I can not claim to be an expert on the dating part, because I only dated one Filipina before making her my wife. When you find the best, why bother searching more? Impeccable English, great education, an original thinker not afraid to think outside of the box and not bound by dogma, she was my dream woman from day one and only continued to grow, expand and improve her life in the years that followed. She isn’t a representative of ‘the average woman’ in her nation, however, nor is she very similar to your average woman in any other country, really. Different people fall in love for different sorts of reasons, and it’s never good to generalise too much. Even thought I may not have actively dated around in the country, I know plenty of men who have. Some did well, others not so much, and I’ve recognised some patterns and mistakes people make that you could and should avoid. As for dating Filipina’s in general, I have a word of advice or two — I see a lot of men who make bitter posts about how the women are terrible, scheming monsters turning them into walking ATM machines, whatever. Which is fine, if that is their experience, it’s a shame and I feel sorry for them having had that experience. But usually it’s a result of ignoring red flags. You won’t find any red flags if you act like many of the foreigners who come to the Philippines — you stay holed up in your nice air-conditioned hotel rooms. Stroll the nice, air-conditioned malls. Hop from resort to resort, hotel to hotel, and primarily see the same tourist spots every other foreigner goes to see… instead, go off the beaten path a bit more. See where she lives! Breathe in the air of her hometown, no matter how far-flung and destitute it may be. See where she was born. Get a taste of the land, feel the vibe. Don’t just go to some nice beach resort and call it a day, you may have a nice vacation but you won’t truly get to immerse yourself in the culture if you just do what every other foreigner and his girlfriend has already done a thousand times. At the very least, stay under her parents roof for a few days. Regardless of whether it’s a nice little apartment in a gated community, or a tiny hut with a tin roof on a mountain you can’t pronounce the name of… that’s the way to understanding her. Some people come to the Philippines specifically for ‘wife hunting’, others come for sex tourism, the dreaded ‘sexpats’. They marry a “reformed bar girl”, tired of paying for a new woman each night. Well guess what? They’re not reformed. She’s covered in tattoos, has two kids from two different men, both partners cheated on her and she cheated on them, too, but she will deny it fiercely when questioned. Talks a lot about God and Jesus but will chat other men while chatting you. She’s damaged, from a broken home and her own family is all over the place, she isn’t stable and eventually things will crash and burn. And if they don’t, it’s simply because you are deluding yourself. Maybe you bring her to your country, she will go on a vacation to “see her family” but insist to go by herself. Seeing her family is code for “riding a young Filipino lover who can actually get it up without the need of viagra” as hubby pays for the expenses. If you marry a girl from a very broke family, a girl who has many siblings, an ill or diseased father, lolo and lola who need to be provided for and kids from previous relationships, maybe consider looking a bit further? Being a bit more critical? Don’t be fooled into thinking you are already lucky to have someone young, decent-looking and willing when you yourself are a bit older — time and time again I’ve seen balding ogres get never-married, childless cuties without problematic families and that could be you if only you didn’t settle too soon. A woman who is a single mother, sometimes is left by her husband because he is awful. Sometimes she is the one leaving, and she is responsible and wonderful. Other times, there is a reason she drives men away, and the reason might just be that she’s bad news. Likewise, would a woman be enthusiastic about marrying a man who has a long list of failed marriages and left many a broken family in his wake? The stereotypes cut both ways and I may offend people by saying it, but still I want to have said it. There’s a stigma attached to being a single mother in the Philippines, and while that’s sad, it’s not always without reason and it pays to dig a little deeper to make sure. Try to find a girl who comes from a more middle class background, if you can. Someone who went to a decent college or university and who can speak English well enough for you to have a good conversation with her without cringing. Bonus points if both her parents are gainfully employed, her siblings aren’t on shabu and they’re not from some ghetto area. More bonus points if she never married — marriages in the Philippines can be annulled with a lot of effort and money, but divorce is impossible. And preferably she wouldn’t have any “baby daddy drama”. This may seem like common sense but many men are all too willing to overlook red flags, and you really shouldn’t; enumerate them, share it to a friend, ask an outsider perspective if you aren’t sure because you may be viewing her through the rose-tinted glasses of premature love. Dating is great fun, for sure. Just don’t rush into marriage, thinking ‘this is the best I can do’. Don’t settle, ever. If in a country of 106 million about half of the people are women, that leaves you with about 53 million potential partners. Of course many of these will be far too old, or far too young, but at any rate there will be millions upon millions of partners to choose from. Choose wisely. Sometimes I see Shrek looking dudes with women that are straight goddesses, and that could be you! Other men have been deprived of sex, romance and relationships in their home countries, obese basement dwelling American IT guys, thirsty Indians moved out from under their mama’s thumb, or recently divorced guys enjoying their freedom but not enough to not give it up right away… and these men settle for the very first girl that gives them a flirty look, even if she’s completely trash. Just, keep calm and think with your big head. Likewise, ladies? Be careful to know your value as a woman. Do not settle for an awful, trashy or controlling man simply because he has light skin and a foreign passport. It’s not worth it, you can do better than a walking potato. Love yourself and know your worth!
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It’s a very different rhythm than in the USA. I dated, in my 50s maybe a dozen filipinas, age 17 to 36, and it’s just a whole different pace of things. There’s no slow build like in Western countries. It’s like you’re instantly married. Several times I have had girls I met on FB or whatever pick me up at the airport. You go right back to the hotel and, virgin or not, she’s all yours within 15 minutes. Then, she’ll be delighted spend a week with you. I had several girls wash and fold my clothes daily without the slightest prompting. It all seems completely normal, as if you’d known them for years. It would look totally wrong in the West because many of these girls are under 85 lbs and just so, so, so small and stick-thin. Just about all of them had jet black super long hair, absolutely perfect. You stop thinking about it but it’s really quite alarming to see a photo of yourself and the girl because she looks like your very youngest daughter. Sometimes I would drop them off at their house before leaving, and very often I’d meet parents much younger than me. It’s perfectly obvious to all that you’ve been boning their little tiny daughter as hard as possible for the past several days, but the parents are super polite and normal and many times would make me a meal before left. They are often super flirty in front of their parents, and will feed you and sit in your lap and be absolute kittens without the slightest guilt in front of mom and dad. There’s no suggestion of money or anything else; if you have good manners and are a fun protective person, these girls absolutely love dating a tall white guy … outside the major cities, it’s a huuuge status symbol for them to be on the arm of one. Once I was in rural Bohol with a one and honestly it was as if I was Brad Pitt — everyone came up to me and was just so so so nice. It’s simply one of those things that works fine there but if you tried to replicate it in the USA everyone would be absolutely horrified. People would think there was something seriously wrong, because social norms are entirely different.